The Victim and The Bully
When you’re running a small business, it is not uncommon to run across a phenomenon of human behavior that I’ll call ‘the victim & the bully’.
If you’ve ever had an unreasonable customer (which I’m sure you have)… one of the ways that person will justify their demands, is to explain their situation from the perspective of a victim.
Sometimes this is justified. Sometimes… it is not. And for this particular thought exercise, I’m talking about those times when it is not. Those times when you’ve done everything in your power to set things right, but that customer is unrelenting in their demands.
What I’ve found is that the more time someone spends constructing their own victim narrative, the easier it becomes for them to paint the company (or you personally) as a villain. And worse, the easier it becomes for them to justify their actions against you and/or the company.
It can be very difficult situation for a small business owner to get out of. It requires a balance of perseverance and empathy. And ultimately, a great deal of humility. We often find ourselves doing an internal cost/benefit analysis and succumbing to their demands, in order to ‘move on’ and ‘focus forward’.
But there are rare cases, when this victim dynamic goes to a whole other level.
Once in a while, there is a person who is able to simultaneously act as if they’re the victim, but also attempt to play the role of bully.
These are people that can not only justify their demands by constructing a narrative of how they’ve been wronged (the victim), but can also take those demands and turn them into coercion (the bully)… using threats to try and get what they want. Regardless of the veracity or reasonableness of their claims.
And these two approaches spiral into a toxic vortex that not many people are willing to get caught up in.
But, as I said… there are some rare souls who are willing. And even a few that make it a habit. A purposeful negotiating tactic. A modus operandi, if you will.
As an entrepreneur, the very best thing that you can do is to be aware of this dynamic, and to expect it. Not all the time, but certainly once in a while.
We deal with a lot of people, a lot of customers, suppliers, vendors, etc… Just knowing that this dynamic exists can take away some of the sting. Anticipation can soften the blow.
Because let me tell you, as a person who has experienced this three times in the last month, dealing with this type of behavior can rip your guts out.
How do we get through it? We remain steadfast.
In the truth. In our character. And in the example we are setting for those around us.
It is incredibly difficult to be face to face with this two-headed beast. And for those of us who are perhaps a little too idealistic when it comes to finding the good in people… it can become disheartening, to say the very least.
So we must anticipate this type of wretched behavior, and be resolute in the following:
- Our character will not be compromised
- We will always keep our “side of the street clean”
- We will not allow these situations to deter us from our ultimate purpose
And we must always stand up to the bully.
