HO HO NO: The Dark Side of Operation Santa
Like many of you, I think I have a fairly good idea of what goes on at the North Pole. I’ve watched all the prerequisite documentaries:
- Elf
- The Santa Clause
- Miracle on 34th Street
- Polar Express
And on the surface, Santa’s operation seems to be one worthy of our admiration. Not only does Santa seemingly execute his toy making enterprise with staggering efficiency, but Mr. Cringle appears, by all counts, to be a genuine servant leader. A true steward who places his people ahead of profits.
He has constructed a culture so steeped in selflessness and sacrifice, that his workforce has become more of a family. Consider these characteristics of the Elf division:
- Multi-Generational – at last report, Santa had over 10,000 waiting applications from family members of existing Elf staff
- Shared Living Space – most (if not all) of the Elves interviewed are living on-site, and in the same domicile
- Non-standard work hours – it is apparently very common for Elves to work through the night
Considering the size of Santa’s business, the positive influence he seems to have over his team is really, really impressive.
But is there something different happening in Santa’s workshop?
With trading partners on every continent, Santa is a global player. His reputation, especially among the youth, is that of a jolly fellow, routinely spreading joy to all his customers. So I have to wonder if this combination of positive PR and economic might, prevents the proper scrutiny of Santa’s business…specifically his labor practices.
What exactly are the working conditions for Santa’s Elves? And what is the standard pay rate?
In fact, I would ask this of Santa: “Where are the W2’s?”
At this point in my investigation, I have not been able to obtain a single piece of evidence from the IRS (or any other global tax authority) that proves Santa is withholding and paying the proper income tax on employee wages.
What exactly is going on here? Do the Elves know about this? How far does this potential tax evasion go?
Are the Elves in on it? Or could my worst fears be correct: Is Santa running an Arctic sweatshop?
- Is there a multi-generational waiting list?…or are the Elves really indentured servants?
- Do the Elves choose to live together, or are herded like cattle?
- Are voluntary non-standard work hours really a cover for slave labor?
Is Santa using oppressive labor practices and tax evasion to fuel his ever-expanding monopoly on the global toy trade?
The public needs to know, Santa. Not only for the sake of the Elves, but for the potentially tens-of-billions of dollars you owe to the American taxpayer.
Consider the Elf on a Shelf: Santa’s monitor, or an underground railroad, funneling Elves to freedom?
I implore all of you…contact your local leadership, your congress men and women, your mall Santa…and demand a proper investigation.
Santa must not be above the law. And worse…Santa must not be naughty.
Merry Christmas.
