My Habits are Their Habits
More and more and more and more…this thought crosses my mind:
“Your habits are their habits.”
In “Freakonomics”, authors Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner reviewed data from a DOE study on over 20,000 children from kindergarten to 5th grade, specifically regarding social & family characteristics and how they correlated with test scores.
They concluded the following:
“…a child’s test scores appear to be less influenced by ‘what a parent does’, and more influenced by ‘who the parents are’ as people.”
The statement was apparently quite controversial at the time, and it is in no way meant to imply that what a parent does is inconsequential. Children can certainly be greatly affected by what a parent does, or does not.
But it does speak to the built in level of influence that we have over our children, that is simply based on who we are.
We can plan and regiment and instruct all we want, but children know who we are.
And while this is never more impactful then when raising a child, I suspect it’s true the rest of our lives as well.
Those who I’ve seen wield the greatest influence over others, have also been the most consistent. Almost regardless of the message, it has been their consistency that has inspired.
Consistency has been proven to be the foundation of a child’s self-esteem. They draw strength from their routines, even as an infant. Familiar places and familiar places set them at ease, and allow them to flourish.
I suspect that continues, sub-consciously, as adults.
I suspect that those around us are equally as influenced by what we say, as they are by who we are.
So you see…my desire for routine and consistency comes from several places.
First, so that all those around me will know who I am. So that who I am, will produce the most positive impact on them. And more importantly, that my words and actions are consistent with that underlying truth.
Second, for my own strength. Just as a child gains strength from consistency and routine, I suspect we never truly outgrow this.
I have come to the conclusion that my life is better when I’m able to stick with a routine. My life is better when my habits are those which I’m comfortable passing on to my sons. My life is enriched when I am set free by the very chains of ritual.
Some will say they prefer ‘spontaneity’. Myself, I prefer ‘planned spontaneity’.
And last, so that my young sons will be positively influenced not only by my words, but by my actions. So that they will know who I am. And most importantly, so that who I am, matches up with my mental picture of who I want them to be.
My habits are their habits. Who I am, will become who they are.
And nothing drives me more than that…
