Look man, you can listen to Jimi but you can’t hear him. There’s a difference man. Just because you’re listening to him doesn’t mean you’re hearing him. – Sidney Deane (White Men Can’t Jump)

Been thinking about some of the habits I’ve formed, and some of the habits that I’m showing those around me…in my workplace, in my home life and especially to my sons.

Example 1: Having my phone out when I’m at a conference table, or dinner table, etc…

Now, there are times when it seems appropriate. Others are sharing, you’re with a friend or two that won’t mind, etc… But in general, the message this sends to the others in the room is this: You’re not the most important thing to me at the moment.

Last week I was at a breakfast meeting. I had my computer out, taking notes. And I remember setting my phone next to it on the table. Why? I’m not really sure.

So I didn’t “miss anything” I suppose.

The intent was not to offend or disrespect anyone at the table…but that’s exactly what I was doing. Whether they knew it or not.

Whether they knew it or not, a signal was resonating with their subconscious mind that I did not find them, or the meeting important enough to provide my full attention.

Example 2: Leaving one earphone in when someone approaches me to talk (when I’m working with headphones in).

I don’t know about your work environment…but in mine, it’s quite common that I have my headphones in.

Whether listening to music while responding to emails, doing technical work, etc… Or leaving them in to receive and make phone calls with my soft phone.

In any case…it’s common that someone approaches my door with a comment or question, and I find myself taking just one earphone out to listen to them.

Worse yet…I’ll keep one ear bud in hand, waiting to put it back in.

Yes…you are not important enough for me to take both earphones out. Further…hurry this shit up so that I can crawl back into my cocoon of silence.

What a terrible message this sends.

Goal 1 for the day: Be mindful of the attention I give to those around me. How I provide it. The signal I’m sending to those who want and need to connect with me, for any reason.

Goal 2 for the day: Make sure this lesson is passed to my sons. I’m sure there’s a ‘tablet at the dinner table’ phenomenon that I should nip in the bud.

I know that the quote above is more about the depth of listening, for meaning, etc…but it popped in my head when I was asking myself: HOW am I listening?

Am I hearing what people are saying to me? Am I even really listening in the first place?

Am I listening to understand, or just to respond?

I know my intent…and that is to hear them.  It is to connect.  It is to treat those I interact with, with the respect and authenticity  that I would like them to give me when I have something to say or ask.

I guess it’s just time to start acting like it. After all, I’ve got little people watching me.

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